Monday, June 2, 2008

Well I have slept a few times

Ok... so Saturday didn't go bad. It wasn't bad staying in the other room while she was here. I still felt like I should have gone with her after she left. But I have always felt that way every time she would leave the house without me. I will never really be over her. I still love her very much.

Back to my life only for a bit. I am starting to make real progress on packing up the house. I also found and purchased a bed this weekend. I started looking for an apartment. I am looking kind of early but you can never be too prepared for what is coming. I seven bought a few things I know I will be without after all of this is over. No need to do without stuff when you can take care of it before hand.

So, life after marriage is looking better to me now than ever before. I will be able to start over and do things just for me for a while. I am looking forward to having time to myself. I do miss the companionship and having that person there to talk to everyday about nothing important. You know those are the best conversations... the ones where you just talk about everything yet really nothing all at the same time. That is when you really get to know people and how they think. Now, don't get me wrong, conversations about the important things are great as well and have to happen otherwise you end up without anyone to talk to. That is the key to have a good interaction with people... communication.

I am trying to learn to communicate better. I am horrible at it now. Example, I IMed someone the comment I used earlier "conversations about nothing important are the best and that I hadn't had one of those in a while". So there response was that I was rude. Now, I understand it was just taken in a sarcastic way. But I don't know how to put it differently to make it make more sense. I don't think it is possible. Just like I don't think, in the context I wrote the same thing earlier, it is going to be taken that way again. I guess I haven't learned enough about the people I must communicate with to know how they will take what I say. I have gotten the comment that I say things without thinking of how they are going make others feel. I guess I assumed that they knew me well enough to know that what I said wasn't meant to hurt them.

I don't think enough about what I am going to say. I take forever to write these blogs because I pick every word carefully. I try not to mention names or specifics about things that might hurt the people in the blog. I think of those who will be reading this as I write. I think of how they will read it and what they might think. No one can predict everything someone else will think. That is what makes us ourselves, makes us individuals. But, when I talk that time buffer isn't there and things just come out without thinking of those around you. It is a filter that I don't have.

Well I am going to quit for now. My evening is just beginning and I have to work the early shift tomorrow. I get to play golf tomorrow afternoon!!!

Good night.