I will be spending some time alone this weekend. It is something I haven't done much of the last month or so. I have been working so much these days due to the loss of some co-workers in my department and this week was no exception to that. So the next few weeks are going to be my true weeks to prove what I can do as a computer tech. I have already proven to them enough to get what I have been looking for a long time... I received a promotion this week... A huge one considering my tenor with the company. It is nice to find a group of individuals that are together to make money (aka a company) that can see and appreciate talented workers and reward them for the work they do. I have always felt held back before. I generally think it is because I am young, "companies" (really the individuals that are in the companies) can only see the stereo type of a young man and not a truly experienced and knowledgeable individual. Now, I know this sounds a little cocky... but there is another piece to this puzzle this time around, something I didn't see before.
The other piece is....I am different NOW!!! Before the recent events in my life I have always felt like I was treated like a child, and not given the respect I thought I deserved, that was very cocky and childish. At that time I didn't know better I didn't have the information about life I have gained in this short period of my life. So I was a child at that time and I was treated as I was. I no longer feel like I am being treated like a child. Not because of the promotion but because my daily thoughts about life have changed and because I have found out life is too short to not live it to its fullest. This change in feelings states by reasoning alone that I have grown and am not acting childish, or as childish. If you can't free yourself like a child can you will always find yourself trapped in a life you don't like. This time of releasing your "inter child", for lack of better words, is the way I have been able to handle all the dead end jobs, frustrating bosses, endless work, endless paperwork, and just long days I have put in to prove my dedication to doing the best I can under any condition. It is not a goal of mine to be the best... it is simply put... a direct result of my upbringing and the way I was raised. It is a natural motion for me to add 20 mins to my work day and don't take munch breaks... or throw in a free utility install when I fix a computer for someone. IT IS ME!!!!
I used to have a good friend, he said in plain words "you hate being treated like a child, but you are acting like one" some time back and at that time it I made me very angry. Now, due to the turmoil, that friend was lost to me and I wish I could tell him "I understand what you meant!!!!!" I don't think he will read this... I don't even know if he has the ability/access to do so anymore. If he does.... "I don't what a message. I am moving on with life and even if things could be good again, it wouldn't ever feel right, and you know why."
WOW... here I am writing another private message to someone in a public place!!!! But I don't believe in privacy like I used too. I used to think that my life was mine and no one else's to share with... even those closest to me!! This is also a product of my upbringing!!! Hey not everything can be a good thing from childhood. But, I don't blame my upbringing, you see someone much wiser than me one said.... You can never blame people from the past. They did the best they could with the information they had AT THE TIME".((( Inside thing for those that were speaking to me yesterday.... see what all that talking did to me... made me want to share all my good shit with everyone. LOL ))) Do you think that if those you blame for wrongs done to us in the past would have done the same things to us then if they had the knowledge they have now????!!!! The biggest regrets in my life were not things that affected ME... they are the ones that affected others, the ones I now and even then cared about.
So that was a little tangent...LOL...
(Enter soft chime) "Now we have to stop for this week, BUT!!! Next week boys and girls. We are going to be discussing what privacy means to the young adult male living in a metro area in the US in the early 21st century. This will be a great topic and I hope all you viewers at home will all tune in. From all of us here GOOD NIGHT!!!!" LOL!!!
if you just read that I am really sorry... Something must really be wrong with me this week. I am writing some really stupid shit!!!!