Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Game

I think game is an accurate description of the process of involvement between the opposite sexes, aka.. dating. This is also from the point of view myself and I have never really been in the game enough to know any better. So, take what I say with a pound of salt. This is also a theory that has become part of my thinking.

We are going to start with a break down on the game. In sports there are known strategies that work. These strategies start as simple plans they are tested in practice, then in live matches, then after years and years of them working are considered solid. They are updated by each new coach and players put their own talent in to them to make it successful. In dating, these strategies have to be developed by the individual and are unique to that person. No one really hands down the affective ones as if they are successful then that person my be out of the game forever! This poses two problems, one the numbers are against the individual and two, the individual is out numbered. This makes dating a huge strain on the ones involved. In sports, two teams or players face off with the same goal... to win. This is head to head and everyone knows the goals. In dating, the individual is pitted against all other in his/her sex vying for the attention of the other sex. This creates a huge playing field and can cause some to loose the drive to play at all... I have to quote a blog I read once. The numbers are very general and are guesstimations but you will get the picture it is painting. (If you read this... sorry for steeling your work.. it fit in to my idea for this blog.)

Small part of the blog that gets the picture across:
300 million people in the US.
Age range of 25-53? Probably about 26%: 78 million
About 53% of the population is Women: 41 million
Those unmarried, about 48%: 20 million (we’re fudging it a little now)
Taking 7% for the Lesbian population (again, fudging): 18,860,000
Taking off 40% for smokers (statistic is higher, but hey, it’s in good fun): 11,316,240
We’ll say 1/3 of the people work out 3 or more times per week: 3,771,703
College Education? (about 26%): 980, 643
Unmarried yet in a relationship, or not looking (about 48%): 490,321
Taking away teetotalers (about 5%): 392,257
Population of AZ: about 10 million
Percentage of total country in AZ that meet my standards: .13%
Total women in the state that actually meet my standards: 13075
Total women that meet my standards in AZ (approx 30%): 3923
Those that live in the Phoenix area (give or take 65% of them): 2550

That means there are about 2550 women in the totality of Phoenix and the surrounding areas for me to find.

Now, here’s a depressing statistic: 94 single women per 100 single men. ( That means we guys outnumber them. That means for the 2550 women, there are 2712 guys vying for their attention.

Disturbing pseudo-math!!! If that is really true then the average person, depending on their pickiness and basing it off of there being ~4000 possibles in AZ, only has a 1/2500 chance in meeting a compatible person. Now you also have to take in to consideration the other persons pickiness! That makes that ratio nearly impossible to calculate and endlessly depressing. It is a wonder we ever find anyone at all. It also explains a lot about bad relationships. Compromising is the next logical step to increase your ratio. But that makes people unhappy and makes for a bad time for all involved. This also leads to one sided relationships with only one person being happy. I have been in both of these examples and I really don't want to make those same mistakes again.

Here are a few of the simple observations I have made in regards to my own search. I think these numbers above are very generous. I think the ratios are even higher. Even if the girl I meet meets all my external requirements on my list, personality, maturity level, even believes, and morals can still conflict.

How can I avoid bad times? The only way to avoid then is to find someone that not only meets your specs but you meet their specs. This is the phrase "finding Mr. Right". The same works for the men with finding "Miss Right". Maybe we all really just settle for the "right now" people in our lives and we get lucky if it works out.

Why even try? It must be the drive of human nature that keeps us playing this little game. When real human thought it put in to the idea it makes no sense to work so hard at something. Maybe it is the thrill of the game, or the act of being in it that keeps us all coming back for more. I wish I knew.

I have never really thought of myself as ever really being fully in this game. I have really only had a hand full of relationships several were long. I was pulled out of the game before I learned it. So, in a sense I feel I am playing catchup with those already on my playing field. The thought of just jumping in scares me... allot. I would rather take it slow, learn the strategy and apply accordingly. But, my ratio isn't going to get any better and that wonderful someone that I hope is out there isn't going to sit around and wait. Honestly, I would rather wait, I am in no hurry. If taking my time reduces the bad experiences and promotes the good ones then the "one" is just going to have to wait. I think that in the mean time I will work on my strategy and other things that make me a better, happier person.