Thursday, May 21, 2009

Parents... Who Knew?

This week started different then any other week prior in my life. Last Saturday my parents flew in to Arizona to visit me for the first time. I was honestly scared what they would think about how I have developed my life since I moved away and with all that has happened to me in the last years. The bad and the good times that shaped who I am today has made me very different then the 19yo that moved away from home. It took me several years to break the habits that were part of my life back then. Back when life seemed so much simpler then it does now. The assumptions I made based on what experiences in my life and all that I had seen back then don't seem like they have a place in my life now. If you can imagine, I once was a young, cocky, know-it-all teenager. I know, it is hard to believe, lol. I didn't think back at that time that anything could ever hurt me. Nothing could turn my life upside down, make me rethink everything I knew about what life really is about. I was wrong, not only about getting turned upside down, but also nearly every assumption I took from growing up in the simple hard work orientated life. I found out that life is so much more ALIVE then what I knew. It is hard to break from how we grew up and the life that we saw for all those years. I still struggle with what I think of as the simple interactions with the world and people. I have spent what seems like a long time learning how to deal with everything the world throws at me.

I have spent a lot of time talking with my parents this week. Mainly about things I have like the MINI, my job, and just random stuff about how I live here. Through it all, I remembered that I really miss my family. It is hard to describe exactly how I miss them. Seeing them is only a very very small part of it. How then do I miss them? I don't get to talk with my dad that much so I miss my dads perspective on the world. The sharing of his knowledge and experiences that formed the base to everything I understand today. Yesterday, the two of us stared at a very old airplane engine for a long while. We discussed and deducted exactly how it worked pointed out all the different parts we knew and figured out what the other parts we didn't know. We even researched things today that we couldn't explain when we were standing there. I listened to him as he explained the components of a jet engine as we looked at one sitting on a rack. I miss the even tone and laid back nature of my dad. My mom and I talk all the time. But I still miss my moms understanding about everything. She listens and adds comments and questions me on ideas like no one else I know. We sat and talked about music, cooking, home decor, MINIs, wardrobes, and everything about anything that came up. I bounce ideas off my mom all the time, even things I know she doesn't understand. I think it is something about getting some type of approval from her. I don't know how and it surprises me to see many of the qualities in them that I strive for in my life today. I thought I was trying to make myself different then all of what I grew up with. I guess not!!

When push comes to shove... I can't change where I came from. I hope to embrace what I have experienced this week with my parents. Maybe this time will help me see more clearly in to my future path. My perspective of the world has been changed by this visit from my past. I am now rethinking my old ideas of the world with my new experiences guiding me. I can't wait to see what comes from all of this rehashing....

Note to my parents: I don't know if you will ever read this blog... even if I send you a link... but you are an inspiration in my life I had forgotten. The past I thought I left behind and replaced with all the new ideas I found in my own experiences. It just surprised me how much I still rely on all I learned from you and how much you still have too teach me. I love you both.