Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Blogging as a hardship

It seems as if my blog, like many other things in my life, has recently become a hardship. It isn't that I don't have the time to blog it is just I haven't had the ability. I had several topics I really wanted to write about but when I actually sat down to do it my brain shut off and everything I put in to word made no sense. I like to ramble on and on at times (yeah I know I do it). Many of you that have spent time with me know this very well. There are certain topics that I can talk about for hours. I think of is as my nature to try and share what knowledge I have with anyone that will listen. But when I blog I like to have some constancy to it. It is weird, I think this idea is something I remember form many years ago from a grammar teacher, "You write English you don't speak it." I know this has nothing to do with following a topic in a blog, but it effects my view of how I write these blogs. This idea is one that I follow in different parts of my life. Sometimes the proper way of doing things can be ignored.

To this hardship thing really all boils down to this feeling over these last few weeks that the different parts of my life aren't jiving well anymore. I do not understand the feeling but I can see the effects it is having on my almost routine life I had before. I used to blog about changing myself for the better and those changes were both good and bad. I think I am now experiencing the bad piece of the good changes I planned and made for myself. Responsibilities I took on during this that time of "great change" are now bringing to bare their broadside canons! It isn't a surprise to me as I took these things on knowing full well this day would come. It is just a little different now that I am here. It also is a fact that I didn't prepare very well for this and now I am in a position where I don't believe I can escape as clean as I had hoped from the beginning. Time, is for the most part, on my side. But just like most things that exist in this world taking too much time can become painful and hard to bare. Take this blog for example, it took me 7 tries in the last month and a half to finally finish one worth posting. It was a hard time for me as writing and posting blogs is one thing ii pull strength from and not being able to write it made me feel weak. I hope with this post more than just my blogging will be back on track. I hope it strengthens me for the tasks in front of me and it helps me become the person I set out to become.

Sorry for the long delay, I am back now and there is a new smile on my face... for more reasons than the blog!!!!