Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Priorities

It has been a few years since someone has asked me what my life's priorities are. It is something I remember growing up being asked about all the time. I remember the phrase "get your priorities straight" said a lot to me. I think it had to do with the computer games I would sit and play for hours and hours on end. So after this weekend I have decided it is time in my life to build that list. It has been a long time coming. In the back of my mind I have a fear that if I make that list and truly follow it, that I will have "grown up". I find myself acting like a mature person but I still feel extremely young. I lack wisdom. I want the wisdom that comes from 50 years of experience living in this world. Experience is the only way to gain true wisdom. Some would think i was wise because I understood that idea alone but it isn't enough for me. I have focused most of my life on technology and understanding it on a level above everyone else. I am not saying I know everything, by far I do not. Understanding and knowledge are different things. Some people who have knowledge don't have a clue what is going on because they don't understand it. So I know a lot more than I do because I can figure out more in 5 mins then most people can remember if they tried for an hour. So my priorities have been a little one sighted. Because like I have stated in past blogs, it was the easy path. I have worked for the last several years to grow as a person and build a life I can be happy with. A life where I can be happy with myself and what I am doing in my life. I am as close to that as i believe I will ever be.

This weekend I drove down a road. It is a dangerousness road with very long drop offs without guardrails. Hundreds of hairpin corners and switchbacks and it is overall a very very scary road. Nick named Devil's Highway. I drove that road with confidence. Making smart choices about how the next turn should be handled. Using caution when needed. And unleashing all restraints when possible. It was one of the best metaphoric experiences of my life. It somehow confirmed all the doubting thoughts I have been having lately. The feelings of being lost and confused. It has made me want to start working even harder. I have written several times in the past that there are times when you learn just enough to have learned that you don't know enough. This has been one of those moments and it was more like a line in the sand then any other of those moments from the past. It feels like nothing before the weekend existed because it is trivial to what is ahead. I have found something this weekend I have never had in abundance. Confidence!

It is now time for me to put the priories of my life in place. To make the truly difficult decisions of what is next. No more just following the road where it takes me. I am going to be the master of that road. There will be pot holes and slick pavement. But caution and confidence and my understanding and experience in this world will help guide me down the path I choose. I feel like I am finally who I am supposed to be!

Thank you to everyone that has been a part of my life to get me to this point. You have all played a roll in shaping who I am today. I look forward to the future with all of you.
Andrew