Monday, February 28, 2011
Someone once told me they felt like they knew who I was through my blog. I understand how they felt now. I know there is more to us then what we but in our blog. Everyone has to censor some things when you know it is out in the public. I have posted my share of things that I shouldnt have and dealt with the fallout from them. It isn't easy when you want to pour everything out in to a puddle of words and let everyone see. But if not done carefully someone will jump in your puddle and make it all muddy.
I like having this blogging friend. You inspire me to continue.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
As I sit on my ass waiting for the next thing to happen. It is killer not knowing when or how or if anything good will come from it. Waiting sucks in itself, but waiting for the unknown is worse. I am thankful that I only have one more week of this waiting left. Then it is off to help a friend for a few weeks and then back to start working at moving forward. It shouldn't take long to get things moving after all my restrictions are removed. Until then...
Monday, February 21, 2011
I think I am going to continue waiting in my sleep now.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I have had my fair share of issues because of growing up out here. But living here had taught me more about growing up and how to survive than anything the social or city world could ever offer. There were times not very long ago I blamed my problems trying to interact with people on what most people would call a backwater style of living here. I have since seen all of this from a glass half full perspective. For the little I lost because of this place I have gained knowledge and experiences that so few will ever know. It has shaped me in to the man I am today. My work ethic, my nearly uncompromising since of right and wrong, and my internal struggle with defining myself. It is this struggle that has pushed me to become more than I am, to grow as a human person, and to strive to find a place where I belong. Right now I am not the person I want to be. It is a road and a journey that I hope I will never give up on.
Some people live their entire lives content with where and who they are. They believe they are everything they need to be, or at least pretend to. I pity these people... they are too scared take the steps to change. They are locked in place by everything around them. I am not the best at this myself. I allow so much to pass me by because I don't have the balls to grab what is in front of me. It isn't an easy thing to step out from the shell you build around yourself. But with time and willpower it can be done! I hope that I reach the goals I have in mind and find new higher ones to keep reaching for.
Yeah life isn't the same all the way out here... but I wouldn't trade it for a day-to-day city routine. Maybe I found where I should be!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My future is a completely blank slate right now. It makes me very nervous!! Over the years I have had trouble and setbacks, but none have been exactly like this. Because of the recent great things that had happened, I was in a state of transition to something new. I now feel stuck in that transitional state. Like everything and yet nothing is before me. In some ways this feeling of being stuck has been around for longer than just last weeks setback. I have been stationary since I decided to move out of my apartment in Tempe back in September! I feel like it is time for action. But with so many options and choices and possible end results, how and where can I start?
Is it possible to really have a blank slate after all these years? Is it really possible to "start over"? It makes me even more nervous to think that this might actually be happening! That for the first time I can remember in my life, I am totally and completely free! I have almost nothing holding me back from doing anything in the world I want to do! It is a scary and inspiring truth. Being this free makes me yearn for the oppressively happy feelings and happenings of everyday life. The day-to-day worries of living ones life, the responsibilities for yourself, your friends, and your family, and the love and joys and happiness of just being alive. I don't feel any of those things right now! My life just feels simply, on hold. Like someone hit pause on the DVD of my life.
Even with this only being a short part of my life, I feel as if it maybe the most important time. As I think I have a once in a lifetime opportunity to cut in a new plot before the DVD starts playing again.