Wednesday, January 11, 2012

never enough time

I feel the need to blog. However, I also have the physical requirement of sleep to deal with. If only there was more time... I imagine all the things I could get done. If I had more time... would I really use it to get those things done? Would I not feel the urgency to do the things I thought about because I can always get more time.
I have a feeling my time is running out on some of my imagined things I want to do. My sense of urgency and corresponding anxiety is growing by the day. But a lot of my life stuff is 'on hold' for so many great and perfectly logical reasons. I feel more trapped now than I have ever remembered feeling before. That makes me feel 'not good' at all right now... and all the outside stresses haven't helped much these last few months. When I see a glimmer of the light at the end of a tunnel for an issue... than, I start thinking about the tasks in the next one and that glimmer isn't all that great anymore. It is still good to know things are behind me but just getting past steps A and B doesn't make C-Z any more simple or easy to work though. The tasks ahead of me are bigger than just me. I can't deal with them alone and that scares me enough to make me want to stay in the 'on hold' state. Will anything ever really be easy... does life always require this much fighting spirit to traverse?

So to answer my own question... I am glad there isn't enough time at least then the biggest challenges are still 'in the future'.

Andrew