Tuesday, August 15, 2017

In Memoriam

This morning it finally hit me that TJ is gone. All the things he meant to me and all the things he did for me over the years never really condensed in to consensus thought until he wasn't here. TJ came in to my life at a young age, for both me and him. For me I was an adult but was naive, almost useless, irresponsible, and didn't really understand what was really important about living. Shortly after he adopted me, yeah I might have picked him up from my friends house when I agreed to take him but it was he who choose me in reality, life and the world got very real for me. Some of the worst things in my memory are from that time. But TJ was there through all of it. Sometimes the only cause of a good laugh or a smile among my inter turmoil and bleak world around me.

We didn't always see eye to eye, he always wanted to sleep where he wasn't allowed. He clawed on the couch and made messes from time to time. There were literal times I know he was arguing with me. His vocals were like no other cat I have ever know and you could tell he was not happy.

Several people over the years that don't like cats all that much, me included, loved TJ because he was different. He wasn't that typical cat that was annoying. He had a presence in my home over the years that can't be described easily. He was unique and special in ways I can't put in to words. I tried to make his life a good one, I hope he agrees.

I and those that loved him will miss him very much. No one or pet could ever replace what he meant to us.

Goodbye my friend.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

My name is... WHAT?!

Hi... My name is Andrew.

I don't know why... but for almost two years that little starting out intro has been stuck in my brain. Every time I think of going anything or saying anything to anyone or any group that matters that is the first idea I have. I usually go with it because it works. That is who I am... Andrew. What does Andrew mean... well that is another journey all together!!

My life hasn't always been what I wanted. Or I should say I don't always know what I want my life to be. What I want and what is sometimes still up for grabs... I am 30+ now and still really don't have much drive. I am not dedicated to anything strongly. I love and am loved and that is about all I generally need to keep myself in good shape. There are times when I get down and don't feel like things are going well. But most of the time that is when things are going so well that I feel out of place, literally out of ideas and out of things to fix in my personal life.

I am in one of those times. Good job, great girlfriend, money is in good shape, day to day is OK, and I am learning more every day than ever before. However... I still feel wrong. It is like the struggle of daily life makes me better than I am. Like just scraping and getting by makes me a better at being the person I really want to be. It seems to me that the complete picture of myself, Andrew, isn't really here right now. I am being lazy and my real self hates me because I am too comfortable. I remember the last time this happened... I made a bad choice and it has messed everything up ever since. The question now is what I am I going to do right now. What do I need to put forth the life chalenge to get me back in line.

Well the first step... a blog post... Check one off that list.

What should be next???


Monday, August 19, 2013

A new perspective

I am sitting here tonight a little 'tipsy'... But well in my right mind to have a discussion about the changes of perspective.
I have been down roads and paths in my life that were plan stupid when looked at from hindsight. But right now I don't believe I need to worry about that. Thing are just starting to become great again after two + years battling back from the setback in early 2011. Life is in good shape... Money is flowing in to the savings. Work is smooth and demanding and there is lots of it. Family and friends are having their ups and downs but rolling with the punches and seeming to pop out on top. Who could ask for more??
So it is time for a perspective change. I am not as young as I used to be. It is time to start thinking about what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life after work. I'm not sure what that's going to be at this particular point in time. I'm not old but I am also not young anymore. Starting to think about what I want to accomplish over the next 50 ish or so years is going to determine how I move forward in my life.
It is no secret, there is someone in my life right now. The kind of person that makes me want to think about what the future holds. Yes, I do know what that last sentence really really means and what it has the potential of meaning. It is been an idea in my brain for a while something that has meaning but has no words on stone yet. Is the time of trials right now... Meaning that the world can go in a direction and there is no controlling what he does. We must deal with the how things play out.

I'm into football this season, very much so. I really do like football. I join the fantasy football league with my company. Did a few  for friend leagues last year but not with people I know. Battling those that you work with is an entirely new level of excitement and competition. There is just something about challenging the intellect and abilities of someone you know in a environment that is controlled yet endlessly unpredictable. It sometimes it shows you a new perspective of those you are competing against. I've already found out that people are not all that much different overall. We all deal with the actions and consequences of all of those around us. Almost like a weave pattern where one thread affects the one next to it which affects the one next to it. Robert Jordan did a damn good job describing that IDF about a singular individual and how it can affect everything in the world.
As I have learned about the world in the things within it, I have determined that one must always adapt and change his perspective on the world. For as you learn about things and people, the world becomes larger. Once perspective from sitting in a valley is that the world is small but the perspective when we've reached the mountain speak is very very different. For the mountain we may be at the top of isn't the tallest in the region but the shortest. It's a constant reminder that for every inch you learn or gain there are millions of inches or feet or yards or miles of information ideas and unseen world still waiting for us. Technology is one of those professions that is more perspective and knowledge driven then many others. As we learn we expand our ability to see other things going on within the technology realm.
Take cellular phones for example. Smart phones have been around for many years however in the past most phones were purchased on the idea that this is what it did and that was it. Now if you buy a smartphone you couldn't infinitely expand what that phone is capable of. You can even change operating systems. Mobile technology has become an expanded world for us IT individuals. So we must expand I'll perspective on technologies like email and instant messaging and how that works into our network environments. But he even on top of all of that natural expansion of Technology. We have our interpersonal growth. We learn 90 percent of a new system and we learn that there is huge volumes more information stuck in the last 10 percent then there was in the entirety of the 90 percent, at least from our perspective it was 90 percent, that we learned. That is the way of Technology  and I assume is part of many many other careers and pads we as individuals humans take.

I think that's enough b******* for today. The perspectives in the ramblings on about other random stupid things. Always remember that no matter what you know now and how much you learn. There will come a time where you learn enough information to know that there is a lot more information out there to get.


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Sleeplessness like me

So I have been in bed for over an hour without the slightest hint of sleepiness coming over me. I really need to stop with the educational pursuits right before bed... gets the mind turning to many ways for it to settle down for sleep. Two nights in a row isn't too bad.. any more and I will have trouble working. But I will cross that bridge when it happens.

Well there are changes and things in life have also helped add some pressures that might be adding to the sleep issues. I moved almost 2 months ago now... can't believe it was that short time ago. Time isn't going by as fast as it should with the amount of busyness I have been up too. These last 7 weeks feels like it has been 6 months or more. It feels like it has been over a year since the last time I was working as a level 1 on site tech but that changed only back in March to the new site. Then changed again to a multisite floating role a few weeks later. Then to a second level Systems Analyst a few weeks after that and that was only 3 weeks ago yesterday, Monday. Yeah... there has been some things going on 'round here.

I want to write on here more... but every time I have an idea or drive to do so I am never in a place to take advantage of it. I never have been able to take the time I used to and work on just getting my thoughts in to works like I used to. I think I am loosing my ability to do it. :( that makes me sad. It took a lot of time to build that skill and my ability to type it with some efficacy. Me + Keyboard + Spelling = ummm... most likely in bottom 1/10 of 1% in the world. But that is still better than where I was! Not to mention I hated writing anything or even the idea of writing anything. Now emails, notes, descriptions, instructions, and everything else I have to do in my work and life are a piece of cake! For all you students out there. Doing will make you better at what you do... no matter how mundane and random that is.

Well I have also taken up the banner of a few games. MMO style games that I almost swore... well maybe did swear that I wouldn't ever get in to. Now I am playing both Star Trek Online and Neverwinter with some surprising regularity. Right now I am on a Neverwinter spree and spend a few hours every week unwinding and forgetting about the world for a while. Not that anything bad is happening but it is nice to disconnect completely for a while from time to time.

eyes are starting to get a little heavy... yay... sleepy time...


Sunday, May 5, 2013

19 weeks in to 30

As many of you may know already know, I am in my 30th year of life. This is the19th week of that 30th year. Some interesting things happened in the 18th week... a lot of job shifting and other things. The scheduling of which will be crazy over the next 3 weeks and will keep me in my "intellectual only" running shoes. This guy does not really own and hopefully will never be conned into owning running shoes. As I was typing this I actually got that schedule in my email. The irony of timing.

There has also been some other good things in life. A realization of comfort in how I feel and how others feel about me. Knowing this makes some other things about how we exist better. Being able to discuss things that most people shy away from just because they are uncomfortable with the subject or afraid of discussing that subject with the specific person you are with. Now, I rarely have issues discussing anything about anyone in front of anyone, but not everyone knows that about me. And if they don't know that about me they might think I might react irrationally and be upset. That is something I enjoy about myself these days. It is hard to upset me or offend me. 

There are some more things happening that can't really be discussed in a public forum... at least not yet. Just put it this way, there are people I have to be have interaction with I haven't been required to have interaction with before. This might lead to loss of respect for that person or group of people depending on what 'mentality' or 'way they think' turns out to be. (not my words) Just so you know... I believe the worst thing that I can bestow on any one person in this world... is the loss of my respect for them as a human being or what they stand for. I don't stand with people that don't have respect for others and if the mentality is what I expect it to be... well lets just say my blog might start having copies of their words more often and names to go with them. Just saying I don't conform just because you say I have to! 

Back to the 30 years thing. I never thought I would be where I am at today. But the world job market isn't what it was 10 years ago or even 5 years ago. I was in a much better place in life and career just 3 years ago  but things change and we are forced to adapt. Luckily adapting is something I am really good at. This year is the year of bettering myself job wise. I have a goal in mind that will take me about 16-20 months to make a reality. I think it will be really easy to do despite the uphill battle I face in doing it. My goal is not obtainable even right this moment besides in a few peoples eyes that are blinded by their own truly personal issues with me. Part of this plan is to force by pure effort and quality work passed their objections. You know the slave that became more powerful then the king by literally winning the hearts of the people. I am going to make myself invaluable to everyone I talk with. Making me more important than anyone else before or after making sure no one forgets the contributions I have made and to make sure I get what I deserve for the effort. 

By the time I am 31 I will be more than I am today... more in many ways. I can't predict the future and I can't state the exact outcome. But, that is the reality we all have to overcome. 


Thursday, April 25, 2013

Missing those that mean so much

I am missing those people that mean a lot to me right now. I don't know the exact reason why. There are more details than at this point... typing on my phone... that I care to admit to. The bottom line is... I just like being with those that I like and love. I just can't do it as mush as I wish to and I miss them dearly. Even this that I have seen just a short few days ago.

Good people are hard to find in any capacity!!!


And I did write this while sitting at the bar! 

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A restart?

Things have been good for me the last 6 or so months. I tend not to sit and write on here when good things are happening. So all those other lags in my blog are actually similar situations. Good times make me not put words on the screen. That isn't surprising considering the reasons for this blog and what drives my fingers to type.

What is happening in my life that is so good? Well I have been able to basically relax the last several months. The small amounts of stress I did allow into my life have all disappeared, replaced by even less stressful things.
My debt is now 100% paid off. Yeah the event in my life that started me on the path of creating this blog is now completely behind me. The emotional and intellectual stuff around that event have long been 'taken care of' and the lessons learned over that time are integrated into me. But, now that the money side of things is all cleared up, I feel like I am finally free of everything that happened, minus the knowledge I gained of course.
My job took a minor turn toward a more simple 8-4 almost responsibility free position getting paid the same money. Even if it is exactly the same position I had before but in a more hospitable environment. I can forget about work when I leave work now and spend more time at home. With my new found time freedom I have taken it to get caught up with TV shows and movies I hadn't finished watching. Started cranking up side business work to make some extra money.
I have also started dating someone. Well started dating isn't the correct description... I have spend EVERY weekend with her since I met her. She quickly became a reason to have time off work and not work 10 hours every day and at a time when I had the ability to take that time. I have fallen for her and she for me. We just seem to click, there is strong feelings between us but they don't seem to cloud judgment like I have experienced in the past with prior 'heat of the moment', as I call them, relationships. Something just seems more complete this time. I am all smiles when I think of her and it is a little unnerving the draw we have to eachother. Almost like fate really existed. I won't go down that idea fork road today...
I am also moving in a few short weeks. Really close to the new office location, actually inside Indy, the city that pretends to be a big city, but still better than out in BFE where I am now. I really do miss Phoenix. It is also cheaper to live in a nicer place in Indy compared to BFE. Rent isn't cheap around here at all anyway. Cost of living in this area is very high considering where you are, what is available, and the surroundings. A step up is still better than nothing.
All of this has also created issues and doubts about some things in life as well. Debt free, decent job, a significant other, and a better place to live. It made me start thinking about what is next... what should I start planning on doing next. Start working on a better job, more money so I can actually save some of it and retire at an age where I can still enjoy a few years of freedom from the daily grind. Should I be content for a while just existing and relax my entire self before plotting the next course!
What shall I choose... Who knows...

As for right this moment, I have a few friends out in the world that I miss, I am going to start reconnecting with my stress free time. I am also going to get back on here more, because just because I am happy doesn't mean I can't still write a decent blog. :)


P.S. this is a new blog location, I migrated it to a completely new service to help integrate some of my other social and interwebs things into it. So far I can't complain. :)