Friday, September 19, 2008

Blogging.... It be a fun hobby!!!!!!

Hola everyone!!!!

I will be spending some time alone this weekend. It is something I haven't done much of the last month or so. I have been working so much these days due to the loss of some co-workers in my department and this week was no exception to that. So the next few weeks are going to be my true weeks to prove what I can do as a computer tech. I have already proven to them enough to get what I have been looking for a long time... I received a promotion this week... A huge one considering my tenor with the company. It is nice to find a group of individuals that are together to make money (aka a company) that can see and appreciate talented workers and reward them for the work they do. I have always felt held back before. I generally think it is because I am young, "companies" (really the individuals that are in the companies) can only see the stereo type of a young man and not a truly experienced and knowledgeable individual. Now, I know this sounds a little cocky... but there is another piece to this puzzle this time around, something I didn't see before.

The other piece is....I am different NOW!!! Before the recent events in my life I have always felt like I was treated like a child, and not given the respect I thought I deserved, that was very cocky and childish. At that time I didn't know better I didn't have the information about life I have gained in this short period of my life. So I was a child at that time and I was treated as I was. I no longer feel like I am being treated like a child. Not because of the promotion but because my daily thoughts about life have changed and because I have found out life is too short to not live it to its fullest. This change in feelings states by reasoning alone that I have grown and am not acting childish, or as childish. If you can't free yourself like a child can you will always find yourself trapped in a life you don't like. This time of releasing your "inter child", for lack of better words, is the way I have been able to handle all the dead end jobs, frustrating bosses, endless work, endless paperwork, and just long days I have put in to prove my dedication to doing the best I can under any condition. It is not a goal of mine to be the best... it is simply put... a direct result of my upbringing and the way I was raised. It is a natural motion for me to add 20 mins to my work day and don't take munch breaks... or throw in a free utility install when I fix a computer for someone. IT IS ME!!!!

I used to have a good friend, he said in plain words "you hate being treated like a child, but you are acting like one" some time back and at that time it I made me very angry. Now, due to the turmoil, that friend was lost to me and I wish I could tell him "I understand what you meant!!!!!" I don't think he will read this... I don't even know if he has the ability/access to do so anymore. If he does.... "I don't what a message. I am moving on with life and even if things could be good again, it wouldn't ever feel right, and you know why."

WOW... here I am writing another private message to someone in a public place!!!! But I don't believe in privacy like I used too. I used to think that my life was mine and no one else's to share with... even those closest to me!! This is also a product of my upbringing!!! Hey not everything can be a good thing from childhood. But, I don't blame my upbringing, you see someone much wiser than me one said.... You can never blame people from the past. They did the best they could with the information they had AT THE TIME".((( Inside thing for those that were speaking to me yesterday.... see what all that talking did to me... made me want to share all my good shit with everyone. LOL ))) Do you think that if those you blame for wrongs done to us in the past would have done the same things to us then if they had the knowledge they have now????!!!! The biggest regrets in my life were not things that affected ME... they are the ones that affected others, the ones I now and even then cared about.

So that was a little tangent...LOL...
(Enter soft chime) "Now we have to stop for this week, BUT!!! Next week boys and girls. We are going to be discussing what privacy means to the young adult male living in a metro area in the US in the early 21st century. This will be a great topic and I hope all you viewers at home will all tune in. From all of us here GOOD NIGHT!!!!" LOL!!!

if you just read that I am really sorry... Something must really be wrong with me this week. I am writing some really stupid shit!!!!



Monday, September 15, 2008

Hey everyone!!!

Who are your friends? That is a question I asked myself this week. Now I know what you all are thinking... "Who did what to cause him to make him think they were not his friend". That isn't it at all. I asked that question because I have so many people I call friends that it made me think how broad the definition of friend is.

I seem to bundle all my friends in to one category: "Friend". But I have all types, Acquaintance friends, MINI club friends, "real" friends, "fake" friends, great friends, FaceBook friends, MySpace friends, online friends, old friends, new friends, girl friends, girlfriends, guy friends, best friends, close friends, long distance friends, and family friends. And I am sure there are a thousand other types of friends out there. At want point can you call someone a friend? When you met the first time, the second time. I have friends I have never met.

I thought long and hard about this and I have decided to cut a few people from my friends list. Now everyone, don't get all up in arms just yet. I am making a choice to classify a friend as someone that means something to me. Now that list is still going to be very long... and it isn't like I have a real list of my friends and I am going to go through it and mark them off with a big red marker... LOL. I am just changing what it means to become my friend. What it means to have me call you friend. This last week, a great, best, online, and FaceBook friend of mine didn't respond to a message I had sent. So, I sent another, still no response. I was worried about my friend... a real worry... I was afraid that my friend was gone. I wanted to be sure they were ok. So, very long story short everything is ok... I was just getting prematurely paranoid... LOL.

So what does this mean to all of you reading this...well there are some harsh truths to this... first, I hope that I let you who need to know what you truly mean to me. Second, there are some of you out there that don't have a close place within me. Some of you don't mean much to me. It sounds horrible saying such things. But it is the truth. We all try to pretend the truth isn't something we know and recognize... we all know that it is there. We all know that there are those people that we call "friends" that if they disappear one day, it would mean nothing to us. I think that is very sad truth. I guess we need to make sure those who really mean something to us realize it. Because you may never know how others view your friendship. You could be sitting on a goldmine of great and best type of friends and never know it.

This isn't the most upbeat blog I have written and I know some times you can't always be truthful with people about what they mean to you. Sometime telling someone that they mean something to you causes problems, and telling someone they mean nothing is just cruel. I don't see myself putting this in to direct practice everyday it is just my thoughts and ideas on the subject that have spawned this week with the feeling of loss over my friend. So please don't take anything personally.

To everyone... friends or not... have a good week.


A special note to that lost friend: I know you will read this, I know you know what you mean to me but you should be told again. I still miss you, I hope you a quick return, and that all is well in with you.