Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Roots of Anger

Why does the world throw us in the anger so easily? At every turn there is someone or something there to knock you down when things seem they are going well. When there is a glimmer of hope at the end of what has seemed a dark and lonely time, the statement is made without the words "That was all just a lie". It makes the end of the world seem so close and nothing seems to make you feel alive. Why can't life just be 'OK'? I am not asking for greatness or perfection. All I want is stability. All I want is the ability to live and plan and scheme to make life better. To pursue happiness and to be given the opportunity to be a good human being. Frustration is the root of anger and the world breeds frustration.

Just needed to go off on a rant.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Back in the saddle

WOW!!! What a interesting few months. For me this time away has been filled with tense moments, big changes, and some good things. First, let me say I am truly sorry for not writing for all this time. I shouldn't have needed to stop but there were things happening in my life that required me to keep things on the down low for a while. You know the drama stuff you have to deal with. Friends dating friends, people breaking up, near job losses, pay cuts, and so so much more (disclaimer "to keep more drama from happening": This list does not state specific things that have or have not happened. Don't you hate disclaimers? Talk about the standard political idea there... do not deny or confirm anything ever!) We have all dealt with the 'politics' of life so that is all am going to say about that.

Now for the good stuff? In the last few months I have been fired and hired twice by the same company, first it was a restructure for money reasons, and the second time it was for a merger. With this merger everything has seemed like a the longest list of BS ever. First, not knowing if I even have a job anymore because there was zero communication with the employees; that was several weeks of just endless doomsday rumors. Second, it was waiting another week to find out if I was a Temp or Full Time. Then it was nearly another week before I was officially offered a job that included salary and who my manger is. Now, I know almost everything except what my job description is and where the new office building will located. So why is this in the good category? Well, I have a job being paid the same and I am assuming doing nearly the same thing as I was doing before. I have spent the last two years supporting customers and trying to make the software and hardware better and more reliable. Over all, even though I am still basically doing the same exact thing, it feels like I am starting over at the beginning. I am questioning if I really want to prove myself or deal with those headaches again all over again. For now I am in waiting mode until someone gives me direction.

More good stuff happened, but nothing more seems to be flowing from me right now. But is it good to be back in front of my computer doing something that surprisingly makes me feel happy.


Sunday, August 9, 2009


I have never been much of a reader. I read what I need to gather information but beyond that I would rather just sit and watch TV all day. TV has always been my favorite form of entertainment. In the recent past I have gotten in to listening to audio books. I started with books I always wanted to read, and in some cases started, but never really took the time or put the effort in to it. Lord of The Rings was the first series that I listened to. I moved on to Narnia and right now I am on the last book of the Dune Universe by Frank Herbert. I don't know if I am going to continue with the Dune Prequels and Legends or move to something like Jim Butcher's Dresden Files or Ender's Game.

Since I started listening for my entertainment I have found myself listening to more than just books. A friend of mine started a podcast. By listening to this cast I have found my way to other podcasts and new subjects I never really took the time to think about. It has also lead me to start actually reading more. Not books or newspapers, but blogs and forums. I have started to find resources to make it easier to gather what I like to read in one place. It amazes me that just by listening for entertainment, I have grown to be more well read then ever before in my life. I am exposed to more new ideas then ever before.

I think of myself as a very unique individual when it comes to the world and how I learn about it. I am someone that remembers almost everything I read and hear. I believe that is why I am considered by many people to be 'smart'. I have a hard time classifying myself as 'smart', well I have a hard time classifying anything. There are very few things that exist in this little world of ours simple enough to classified accurately. Since I remember details about a lot of things I can correlate between them and create new ideas based on that accumulated knowledge. This is something I do well because I believe knowledge in one subject can help you understand so many other subjects. The idea is not boxing yourself in, knowing something about object A doesn't mean you know nothing about object B. Now what doesn't this have to do with my podcasts, books, forums, or blogs? All the new information I am gathering is changing my perspective on many subjects. Even those I once had solid/unchanging ideas and perspectives on. My world is becoming more broad. I believe I am starting to truly see the world as a whole and not just my small little corner I was stuck in for so long. Well I didn't know it at the time, corners are hard to notice when that is all you can see.

So just because I started listening, I can again say: HELLO WORLD!!!


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Blogging as a hardship

It seems as if my blog, like many other things in my life, has recently become a hardship. It isn't that I don't have the time to blog it is just I haven't had the ability. I had several topics I really wanted to write about but when I actually sat down to do it my brain shut off and everything I put in to word made no sense. I like to ramble on and on at times (yeah I know I do it). Many of you that have spent time with me know this very well. There are certain topics that I can talk about for hours. I think of is as my nature to try and share what knowledge I have with anyone that will listen. But when I blog I like to have some constancy to it. It is weird, I think this idea is something I remember form many years ago from a grammar teacher, "You write English you don't speak it." I know this has nothing to do with following a topic in a blog, but it effects my view of how I write these blogs. This idea is one that I follow in different parts of my life. Sometimes the proper way of doing things can be ignored.

To this hardship thing really all boils down to this feeling over these last few weeks that the different parts of my life aren't jiving well anymore. I do not understand the feeling but I can see the effects it is having on my almost routine life I had before. I used to blog about changing myself for the better and those changes were both good and bad. I think I am now experiencing the bad piece of the good changes I planned and made for myself. Responsibilities I took on during this that time of "great change" are now bringing to bare their broadside canons! It isn't a surprise to me as I took these things on knowing full well this day would come. It is just a little different now that I am here. It also is a fact that I didn't prepare very well for this and now I am in a position where I don't believe I can escape as clean as I had hoped from the beginning. Time, is for the most part, on my side. But just like most things that exist in this world taking too much time can become painful and hard to bare. Take this blog for example, it took me 7 tries in the last month and a half to finally finish one worth posting. It was a hard time for me as writing and posting blogs is one thing ii pull strength from and not being able to write it made me feel weak. I hope with this post more than just my blogging will be back on track. I hope it strengthens me for the tasks in front of me and it helps me become the person I set out to become.

Sorry for the long delay, I am back now and there is a new smile on my face... for more reasons than the blog!!!!


Saturday, June 13, 2009

The 1 year old

I am a proud 1 year old infant blogger! It has been an up and down adventure through my thoughts and ideas displayed out here in the cloud. I have learned a lot about myself through this time and I have undoubtedly shown more of myself to many of you than I ever expected to. This was not my intention when I started to blog all those months ago. I started because I needed a constructive way to express feelings and thoughts and I never intended to publish them. I needed a place to go where my thoughts could be worked though in a way that wouldn't cause any problems. Making these public was at first an act of aggression, but it didn't have the effect I was looking for. Instead, it felt like I had dumped all my inner feelings and just let them all go. That feeling Of release is addicting and I am still doing it today. There are a lot of you that might read this blog now that didn't know me back then. So this may be a shock to you that when I started doing this... it truly saved me from myself! Now it wasn't the only thing that saved me, but without the blog over the long term I know I would not be the person I am.

Since I have started blogging my writing has grown and changed as I have grown and changed. I have learned to share emotions and thoughts and ideas in new ways. I am still am infant in my ability to write and share, but, for someone that truly hates writing I do fairly well, in my opinion. Well I should say used to hate writing! Blogging has taught me how to express myself in words. This is an endlessly valuable lesson and it took me a long time realize my new found ability came from blogging. I even partly contribute last years job promotion to the things I learned while blogging. Overall it isn't easy quantifying what I have learned during this adventure, but the effects on me are easily noticeable for those that knew me before.

I am not claiming that blogging alone changed my life. Allowing one thing to dominate the changes in your life turns you down paths that you will later regret. Many of the things that have shaped me during this adventure I blogged about. And as always some good things some bad things. Today, blogging brings me joy above almost everything else... I said almost!!! There are people and events that bring a joy and liveliness to me that I can't describe in words. So I have never tried. For those that know me best and for those trying to know me better; I hope this blog has shown some insight into me you couldn't get anywhere else. My only advise is to read beyond the words and try to see the ideas behind them. Because those ideas are the real reason why I sit here and type.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Status of life

I feel I have been fairly quite on my blog recently, I think it is because of all that is happening that I haven't blogged about yet. So here is a status update from my world. There has been more and more happening in my personal life and less and less happening in my work life these days. It is a welcome change right now too. Work can be depressing when news isn't the best and a slow personal life adds to that depressing feeling. At the same time it is not the best thing for me financially as a busy personal life generally costs more then the simple boring life in front of a computer that I embrace so well!!

My personal life has become more social then it has ever been before and I have met some of the most exciting people in all my life. One person is the most exciting thing that has happened to me in very a long time. She sees and reacts differently to me then anyone has ever done before. We all have been through the "getting to know you" time when we meet someone new. This person completely blew me away by stating things about and to me that made it seem as if she already knew me... no it was more than that... it felt as if she instantly and completely understood me, like she knew my thoughts as if she could read my mind. I am having a hard time putting the exact feeling in to words as new feelings are always hard to understand and even harder to describe. Needless to say this person quickly became a part of my life. I am sure I will blog about this more as time passes and I understand it all better. Until then and for now, I am extremely happy that I have a chance to get to know the person that seems to already know me better then anyone I have met before and possibly even better then anyone I will ever meet again.

All this excitement has me more on edge then I normally am. I have tried to used this extra tension and resulting energy in a positive way. I have opened myself up to people and new ideas more then I normally do. I am trying to do more branching out. I have been working on this expanding of my horizons for some time. I have done fairly well in a slow progressive way. I hope for the possibility with this push of openness and growing that I might finally reach a personal goal of feeling truly free. I imagine just waking up one day to the world looking different, to a dawn of new possibilities, and to the end of my feelings of internal captivity. Sometimes I think it is just a dream to ever reach this goal. It is a dream I will strive to make come true!!!

Well that is more than an update of the status of life, but when I point myself down a path you can never tell exactly where my thoughts will go. Until the next path....


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Tech Work is Happy Work!!

Ever been bored at work? It happens all the time in the technology world. Sometimes there just isn't any problems to work on. For some this is a time of rejoicing and goofing off, not for me. These slow times just cause me to get tired of my job. With out the challenge of the problems/issues that are brought to my attention work is just plain work. I consider myself extremely lucky in the fact that what I do for a living is what I love to do. My father always said if you love your work then it never seems like work. I do not believe he is entirely correct with this statement but it is a good start.

I believe liking what you do and doing well at what you do are two requirements to having a successful career. You don't need both but it is easier to be good at your job when you like that job. I have been misjudged several times as liking my job because I work hard and do well. I guess work ethic isn't something thought of when looking at employees. That is where those employers made the fault and I didn't stay long after that in most cases. I have had my share of bad and good jobs. Many of the best jobs were with bad companies and the worst jobs were with good companies, but there were a few that were in the middle ground of both and I stayed a happy employee for much longer at these places. In the end, I am usually disappointed in the company and leave for greener pastures. This has worked well so for, with a few stumbles along the way. Nothing that a little hard work couldn't fix.

That brings me to today. My work is a source of happiness in my life. I am not a workaholic but I like what I do and I am good at it. I work long hours and most of my time is dedicated to my work. It didn't even take a year at my current job to earn a promotion and several raises in pay. I have done this because I learn quickly, I have practical experience in the application of software and hardware solutions, and I work with my team to solve problems. In a job like mine sharing the knowledge you have is a two way street. One way if you share everything you know then you may not be needed anymore. We all know the idea of working yourself out of a job! The other way is that by sharing you gain perspective on your ideas and experiences making you more effective in diagnostics and troubleshooting.

This all leads in to the most important piece of being a technical support person, personality. I think if you can get along with people you are more apt to share with them. You can be more empathetic to customer's problems and that leads to being better at customer service. Dedicating yourself your self to your customers will get you far in tech support but rarely makes you friends in other departments and can hold you back from moving to other places in a company. Choose you battles wisely and be sure you make intelligent well planed moves.

The best part of being in the technical field is the option to work privately on the outside of your normal job. Many techs do this to make the extra money they spend on the tech products they buy for themselves. I do it for extra spending cash and to experience other parts of computer support I don't see in my job. It is a way for me to keep my knowledge more current on what is happening to the individual user and what they use computers for. I also like the work because it reminds me of when I was young and still learning to interact with technology. It is fun to work with people and gain their respect and gratitude. I am not the best but the work makes me happy and I will always work hard to keep it that way. Tech work is happy work is successful work and makes a happy worker in my case!!

Andrew Birchler
Newest Version Computer Services

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Parents... Who Knew?

This week started different then any other week prior in my life. Last Saturday my parents flew in to Arizona to visit me for the first time. I was honestly scared what they would think about how I have developed my life since I moved away and with all that has happened to me in the last years. The bad and the good times that shaped who I am today has made me very different then the 19yo that moved away from home. It took me several years to break the habits that were part of my life back then. Back when life seemed so much simpler then it does now. The assumptions I made based on what experiences in my life and all that I had seen back then don't seem like they have a place in my life now. If you can imagine, I once was a young, cocky, know-it-all teenager. I know, it is hard to believe, lol. I didn't think back at that time that anything could ever hurt me. Nothing could turn my life upside down, make me rethink everything I knew about what life really is about. I was wrong, not only about getting turned upside down, but also nearly every assumption I took from growing up in the simple hard work orientated life. I found out that life is so much more ALIVE then what I knew. It is hard to break from how we grew up and the life that we saw for all those years. I still struggle with what I think of as the simple interactions with the world and people. I have spent what seems like a long time learning how to deal with everything the world throws at me.

I have spent a lot of time talking with my parents this week. Mainly about things I have like the MINI, my job, and just random stuff about how I live here. Through it all, I remembered that I really miss my family. It is hard to describe exactly how I miss them. Seeing them is only a very very small part of it. How then do I miss them? I don't get to talk with my dad that much so I miss my dads perspective on the world. The sharing of his knowledge and experiences that formed the base to everything I understand today. Yesterday, the two of us stared at a very old airplane engine for a long while. We discussed and deducted exactly how it worked pointed out all the different parts we knew and figured out what the other parts we didn't know. We even researched things today that we couldn't explain when we were standing there. I listened to him as he explained the components of a jet engine as we looked at one sitting on a rack. I miss the even tone and laid back nature of my dad. My mom and I talk all the time. But I still miss my moms understanding about everything. She listens and adds comments and questions me on ideas like no one else I know. We sat and talked about music, cooking, home decor, MINIs, wardrobes, and everything about anything that came up. I bounce ideas off my mom all the time, even things I know she doesn't understand. I think it is something about getting some type of approval from her. I don't know how and it surprises me to see many of the qualities in them that I strive for in my life today. I thought I was trying to make myself different then all of what I grew up with. I guess not!!

When push comes to shove... I can't change where I came from. I hope to embrace what I have experienced this week with my parents. Maybe this time will help me see more clearly in to my future path. My perspective of the world has been changed by this visit from my past. I am now rethinking my old ideas of the world with my new experiences guiding me. I can't wait to see what comes from all of this rehashing....

Note to my parents: I don't know if you will ever read this blog... even if I send you a link... but you are an inspiration in my life I had forgotten. The past I thought I left behind and replaced with all the new ideas I found in my own experiences. It just surprised me how much I still rely on all I learned from you and how much you still have too teach me. I love you both.


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Andrew Day Recap

Andrew Day, Wednesday, May 13, 2009.... It didn't really start out like a normal day like I thought. I woke up about 2:30 in the morning.... of course I went to bed at 7 the night before. In order to miss all the blog stuff and random info I might find out throughout the day... I decided to catch up and watch the season finale of Fringe before work. It was great... and a partly unexpected ending. You will have to watch as I don't give shit away. After that I decided to head to work around 5ish as I had some major research work to complete over in Ireland. It is beautiful this time of year... LOL. The rest of the work day went as normal, bitching, griping, and moaning about stuff not working and me having to fix it. When it came time to leave I packed up and headed out to my destination... Rebel Art in Tempe. You heard it right I was out to get a tattoo. As you have no doubt already looked though all the pictures before reading this I am sure you knew that already! It only took 2 hours for Tony to do this amazing work of art on my arm. It isn't complete yet. I had some shading and other details left off so that I could take time and decide on the exactly how the next part will go. Because with this art you can add but never take it away!! So I was cautious and left out things I wasn't sure of yet. I am starting to compile ideas already. Nothing major just little things like eye color and such. So here is a few pictures of the total process.


Just so you all know the back story... this isn't a spur of the moment idea that just popped in my head last week. I have been wanting a tat like this for some years. I never had the nerve to have it done before nor did I know or have the inspiration and knowledge from the friends I have today. You know who you are! Well this has been an exciting Andrew Day!!!


Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Tool Named Twitter!

Twitter is a great tool and I didn't have to be a tweeter for long to find that out. I started my personal Twitter account (@Gottoon), as I assume many do, by adding the friends I knew to be using it. I then expanded that list using a contact list I have of everyone I know. This list has grown over the years because of social network sites. After I used Twitter for several weeks I started finding new uses for it. I found breaking news, tech articles, software version releases, direct company press releases, and an endless source of trending topics being tweeted about. My Twitter account is now my best source of information about the world as people observe it. It is a word of mouth reference tool like nothing I have seen before. With this tool I am no longer a slave to the big media sources and news feeds. All of which are controlled to a point by the people who run them. I follow topics on many subjects everyday by listening to podcasts, reading forums, blogs, press releases, and news articles. I have used a dozen different sites and tools to follow different topics through the years and have never been impressed by any one tool as I am with Twitter. In the last week started a second Twitter account. This one for my side business, Newest Version Computer Services (@NewestVersion). It is my tech feed to the world about reviews and blogs I have read or written and wish to share. Clients can view it and keep up with the software packages I recommend or if there is a version update they may need.

Twitter is now not only a tool for me to be notified and be informed... it is a tool I use to notify and inform others. This is my tiny contribution to the Twittersphere. Follow Me....

Andrew Birchler
Newest Version Computer Services

Andrew Day - May 13, 2009

I am announcing the first ever Andrew Day. A day of fun, food, and adventure!!! I am scheduling it for this Wednesday, May 13th, 2009. Participation in Andrew day is purely optional. From the average person's point of view this will look like any normal Wednesday. I will be spending my morning basking in the glow of my computer monitors working on system issues and coming up with crazy ideas about those issues and plans to fix them that are even more far out and crazy. I will undoubtedly cause anguish, disbelief, and mayhem just like any normal day.

The differences... My day is starting it at 4am. I will be getting up, taking a shower, making coffee, and then heading to work by 5am. I will go to work and be play my part in all the fore-mentioned scenarios. It is when I leave work that Andrew Day will have meaning. I am leaving work early for an appointment 5+ years in the making. After this meeting of the minds and talents of several individuals things will never be the same again. This change in the norm is scary and exciting and has the potential to be good, bad, or both. We will all have to wait and see!!

I don't know exactly how the day will end. There are several possible outcomes. I will be recapping the day shortly after and it will be documented with photos and I am sure many many endless comments...

There isn't a plan for third party involvement in Andrew Day but you can send your RSPVs to Andrew at gottoon at or post in the comments. Everyone has a place in the Andrew Day celebration... See you there!


Sunday, May 3, 2009

Blogging to blog

Hey! Andrew is blogging just to blog, so this will be a boring one. Well not much happened this last week. Work was work and life was slow. That combo worked well for this week due to the endlessness of the jobs I was preforming at work. I have been trying to lay out a plan for the next few weeks with the parental visit coming up fast. I used to like having plans weeks before stuff happens. These days it is easier to just go with the flow and make decisions at the last minute. This weekend I decided to stay home all weekend to get caught up on all the little stuff. It has been a while since i just sat in my computer chair for several days straight and cleaned up all the crap on my computer. I was nearly completely successful with my weekend plan. One little detail was pushed to Wednesday and will have to wait for another blog.

Got some software reviewing done today. I am looking in to turning all this testing for personal information reasons in to a money making venture. Don't think I will make lots of money but if I am already looking at the software I might as well get something for doing it. Although the next real plan has to be the website. I need to create a cool techy geeky site, but I haven't played in web design since I was 15 and even then I wasn't that good at it. Looks like I am going to have to teach myself the skill. Paying for a website for a business that really doesn't make any money is a hard investment to make. Learning how to do it is also a hard investment, but there are good reasons to have the skill. Well the rest of the night is just going to be sitting on my but listening to music, reading, and watching TV. This is my weekend off everything.

Hope you all had great weekends too.


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Existence is Futile?

A few moons have passed since I sat down with enough time or inspiration to blog. It seems these days I am busy doing a lot of nothing. I seem to have found what many people call a rut. The thing is that nothing has really changed from when I wasn't in a rut to now being in a rut. The question that is staring me right in the face and that has been on my mind... "WHAT THE F"?

Let’s start at the beginning. I feel I am fairly typical young man living in the US. I go to work to make money to live on. I make enough to have what I need to live on plus a little extra to have fun with and buy things I want. Of course there isn't enough money in the world to buy everything you want. I have friends I hang out with. I have hobbies to keep be busy in my free time. I am generally happy with my life. As with anyone there are things we are unhappy with, things we need to work on. But those things are what keep us striving to be better. Force us to grow as people. So why do I feel as if I am in a rut? I have been thinking about this question for a few days now. I have come up with several possible hypothesis. None, of course, are truly provable as the real answer, they are merely explorations in to the question.

What if the reason I feel like I am in a rut is because I started thinking about why I was in a rut? Chicken or an egg anyone? If nothing changed but my feelings then doesn't it suggest that all of this is just in my head? I have had effects like this on myself in the past. To get out of school once I pretended to be sick. My act became reality and I got sick to the point I missed two days of school and it wasn't fun at all. It is possible that I didn't cause my sickness but it is a little bit weird. Mind over matter??

What if my views of my life changed? I know I have reevaluated my life a lot in the last year. But could my own perception of myself change without making a conscious effort to change it? I think it is. The human mind works in strange ways. Our morals, for example, protect us from ourselves by keeping us from doing things we really want to because it knows we would feel bad about it later. My own subconscious could be trying to tell me I really don't like the way things are going and I need to rethink my path. It could be protecting me from myself!

What if I really do know what I want? I think this is a tough idea to grasp and put in to words. We all know what we need, it is survival instinct. When it comes to what we want in and out of life it isn't an easy question to answer. If I have found what I want and I know what it is why would it make me feel like I am in a rut???? It has taken a lot of hard work to get myself where I am today. This work has been directed toward an idea of who and what I want to be as a person. If my idea was wrong, then I could be feeling my inner self pulling me away from the path I started down. This and the last idea go hand in hand. Me protecting me again?

Maybe this feeling is more simple then all of this thoughtful babble. Maybe this path I am taking just makes me feel like I exist and nothing more... Is being happy and existing not enough?


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Watching the Grass Grow

Today I felt like the I was watching grass grow. Not that I didn't have stuff going on and work to preform. But it all felt like it was taking forever. Later in the day I did make it out with a friend for some drinks and good conversations which made the day a good day overall. When you are sitting in such an environment all day you have lots of time to think, read, and follow up on ideas. I couldn't tell you all the stuff I read or searched or listened to today. It isn't that I don't remember it is that I don't care to go in to that much detail about my grass growing day.

There are a few things worth sharing. My next new MINI will be a 'Speedster'!! I have been looking forward to that MINI since I heard and saw the first concept rumor and sketch 3 years ago. If BMW really gave them the green light on production I will be a happy owner in about 2 years. It will be something very different then I have now and just as much fun to drive.

I also decided to try a different Twitter software... TweetDeck. I like it so far but I haven't fully learned all the possible options with it yet. Give me a few days and I will see about writing about it a little more. Well in the mean time if you need a wonderful software for managing all our chat and email and social networks. Digsby is the best I have used. You do loose some features compared to the direct clients but it uses almost no system resources and is easy to setup. Again, I think I will write a little more about that in a later blog.

This was such a endlessly boring blog! Good night.


Monday, April 20, 2009

Relationship Informatics

I read a blog today. It was the first personal blog of someone I know. It was a really good blog about relationships 'these days'. I read it and ended up thinking about the way our world is today and how it effects dating in this generation of information. When I meet people within a few hours I could know more about that person then I could learn in several conversations with them. Now this information is different then what is shared in real human interaction and is no substitute for 'getting to know someone', but it does have advantages and disadvantages to the relationship and the act of building that relationship.

I have said it before and I will say it many more times before I die, I am a geek. I know I am and I embrace it. I use technology to constantly stay in touch with the entire world, which includes those I have relationships with. Friends, girlfriends, family, acquaintances, and even my enemies are part of this. This idea that I have access to everything a person shares on the internet leaves me knowing more raw data then others but still leaves me in the dark about the person. I may know where you grew up, where you have lived since, where you work and for how long, who your friends are, where you like to hang out, I may even know your thoughts and feelings from blogs like this one, but in the end I don't know you. This is something I know increases the struggle in todays world of dating and friendship. At the same time, knowing things about someone could help people that aren't as good in social situations. It gives them background to start conversations that they would have never thought of on there own. It also allows people to meet first in this virtual world allowing them to 'break the ice' in a more comfortable environment for them and then move in to real world situations after they are comfortable with that person. Everything effects us in this world of relationships. Information technology is just one more complexity in the relationship game.

This world we live in today is nothing like what our parents lived with and in my case even what my older brothers and sisters lived in. I live a very different type of lifestyle then anyone in my family. My life is integrated with the technology around me. My life doesn't exist without technology and many of my relationships and friendships wouldn't be the same without it. There are limits that we each must place on the technology we use. There are technologies out there that allow us to track those people we know. I broadcast my GPS location everyday all day but others limit this information to only the city they are in. We each have a choice in how we use technology and how we apply it to our lives.

With technology changing at the rate it is now my lifestyle will change drastically in the next few years. New items will be invented and more information will be available to us though faster more direct means. Relationships and friendships will change with them. None of us will know exactly what dating will be like in the days to come. It will take each of us to work though this on our own. Who knows we may need IT guys for relationships in the future!!!


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Simple Lemonade

For some reason I feel compelled to blog today. I mean it has barely been over 24 hours since my last blog. Me no understand?! Oh well I am here and blog I shall. So... what to blog about? My day? Not a thing worth talking about... What I did after work? Nothing... How about what I had for dinner? Chicken... The weather? windy and chilly... Damn, I out of ideas already. Wait... I know... Lemonade!!

Why talk about lemonade? Because it is just so damned good. I know most people would hate the lemonade I make and even fewer would understand why I make it like I do. My lemonade is generally very sour. There are a million different people out there that make lemonade a million different ways. Some even believe the instant powder stuff is actually lemonade. I know this isn't the case. I don't buy lemons often as I rarely have a need for them but 2 days ago the farmers market had them on sale so I grabbed a few. Didn't know what I would use them for but I knew I would. Today I made lemonade.

This is my way of making lemonade and don't knock it until you try it!! I start out cutting them in to quarters. I then take all the seeds I can see out and pull off the peelings and discard them. I then throw the quarters in to a blender. I run it on liquefy until I am tired of watching it. Hey, this isn't an exact science. Actually making any type of food with me rarely is. I then pour most of it through a strainer to remove the pulp as to much is a bad thing. The rest goes right in to my pitcher. Now this next part is just me being anal about not wasting any of the precious sour juices that could be consumed. I add the water to my pitcher by pouring it through the pulp in the strainer. STOP, glass empty... refill, CONTINUE... The rest of my process is to taste. Sugar and water is added until it fits how I want it to taste right now. Some times it is sweet, sometimes sour, and like today sometimes very sour. It all depends on my mood. Just so you have an idea of how sour... I had 6 medium lemons and I only made 1 quart of lemonade and I didn't even use a half of cup of sugar! It is almost to the point of just being liquefied lemons. You don't drink this lemonade... this is the stuff you sip on in small amounts to enjoy the sour. Lemonade is a simple drink. Sugar, water, and lemon. As you can see, it isn't that simple to me. No one taught me this method, it was learned on my own though trials and errors and based on my tastes. I don't know anyone else that would even think of drinking it. One more uniqueness I have.

That is all I can write about lemons. But, writing this did spark some interesting thoughts about lots of random things. Here is one worth blogging... Even with the most simple things there are more differences between us then anyone can count. I guess the whole world is as simple as lemonade!!


Tuesday, April 14, 2009


This morning a friend IM'd me that I hadn't talked with in a long time. The chat was short as they didn't have a lot of time and I was at work dealing with one the endless calls that we got today. It hadn't been the best day so far, I wasn't feeling well and we were fairly busy in the office. I actually started smiling after our conversation and continued for the rest of the day. The person I was talking with has had a big impact on my life even though they aren't around to talk with as much. People like that create smiles in this world even on the darkest of days. I forget sometime just how many friends have had that kind of effect on me. I hope that someday I can repay all that these friends have given me.

The world right now is in a dark time. Doomsday vibes are everywhere you look and in almost every conversation. We all know someone that has lost a job, received pay cuts, or is losing their home. With times so bad, having a good reason to smile is one of the greatest gifts. As someone that has been through some very tough times, I make it a top priority of mine to remain positive. It is surprising that anyone can remain that way when facing the seemingly endless road of financial problems, personal strains, and work stress existing today. But, once you teach yourself to focus on the options you have that can make things better and not the causes of your problems, keeping yourself from being continually down is easy. It took me nearly 6 months to pull myself out of the endless loop of a downward spiral like this. When you finally start looking up from these depths, you realize how much there is to look forward to. We will all make it though these hard times. Just have a little faith in yourself and never count your friends out. They will be there when you need them.

In the end it really is our friends and family that pull us through. It is the truly great friends that are always there for you. The ones that let us cry on their shoulders, the ones that just sit and listen, the ones that never shut up, and the ones that always make you smile. Keep them all close to you in these times of peril, they may need you more then they know. Just as I discovered today. My smile gave me a boost that carried me through the day. It allowed me to think more clearly and complete my work faster. I was even made it possible for me take the time to write this blog right when I got home.

I believe it is a great compliment to have someones smile attributed to myself and I know my friend will feel the same. Dark times call for us to stand up and spread all the smiles we can to those that need it. Even if they don't know they do. So give someone a smile, it could change their day and yours.


Monday, April 13, 2009


Almost everyone knows about my little buddy, TJ. I can't think of what it was like before I had him as my friend. He compliments me very well, parallels how I am and how I feel. He knows when I am down and is there to comfort me. He knows just what to do to make me happy. He is more laid back in life then even me. He is never far from my side when I am at home. He sleeps both on my computer desk when I am working and in my bed. He lets me know when he needs attention and keeps me busy cleaning up the house after him. He is my companion to share lives with. It is one of those symbiotic relationships, without him life wouldn't be as good. In return I make sure he has a wonderful life too.

It is hard to believe that TJ wasn't always with me. At one point he was someone else's cat. I was reminded of this just the other day by the friend I adopted him from. They always make a note to ask about him when we see each other. They really miss TJ. I understand why. I feel sorry they miss him. I often post pictures of him so they see he is doing well. I always let them know that he is a happy cat. He plays like a kitten some days and acts like an old man on other days. Kinda like me... LOL.

Just like everyone on this planet, from time to time I just don't want to deal with anyone or anything. Bad moods happen. TJ is in that anyone list... He can be annoying at times. I have to get away from him some times or keep him away from me. I use treats and food bowl refills to keep him busy for a while. He listens to me and goes away when I tell him.

He also comes to me when I call and makes me smile with his crazy behavior. He is my company when I feel alone. I love my friend, my buddy, my cat. I hope you all have someone like that in your lives. It makes life worth something a little more.


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Hello World!

Hello everyone! Wellcome to my new Blog! I have been working on taking my blogging to another level for a few days. I think moving outside MySpace and FaceBook was a good next move. This should allow me to get in to more into my blogging about different subjects. As many who know me you should be warned, I gain my inspiration for this blog through my interactions with others. So don't be surprised to fine something in here with your fingerprints on it! 

It is days like today that I like to blog. I "took today off" so to say. Between work and friends I haven't had much time for myself lately. Without this time I get, for lack of a better description, stressed! I know last week it was almost to much to deal with and I didn't have that much going on. I think I am getting truly lazy!! Even when there is only a few things to deal with I start to loose it. I am sure that it is just because the last few months really haven't been busy at all. This sudden upsurge in stuff to do is just a little shocking. I think it will be easy enough to get back in the swing of the busy season. Back to me bloging... days like today make good blogging days. I can take the time to really think out what I want to write. Today was a little harder as I couldn't think of a topic. So for lack of a better idea I decided to move to the new blog space today. I think it will be a good move!!

Well I just wanted to welcome you all to the new blog space. I will be posting in the near future. I know there are people out there just dieing to hear about my next rant... LOL!! 



Friday, April 10, 2009


This is a glorious day... I am moving in to my new blog space. I will no longer be constrained by the limitations of MySpace blog. If you decide not to follow me.. it has been fun writing for you... for everyone else, see you on the other side.

Come visit:


Thursday, April 9, 2009

Thoughts of night life...

What is the draw to these long nights out on the town? I have been there, was there for a while tonight. I understand hanging out with friends, drinking, and having fun. But, I can have the same fun somewhere less crowded, more quiet, and less expensive. I believe I spent 20 bucks on 2 drinks tonight. That to me is outrageous. Most of these places don't really draw people like myself, specially where I was tonight. (No offense to those I was with) I am too laid back to go places like that. The people there make me kinda nervous. I can't tell you exactly why but they do.

Even though I was on the dance floor for a short spell this evening too, what is with all the people that just don't dance good at all? They are the first ones out there and the last ones off. I am one of them and it takes someone pressuring me fairly hard to get me to dance. It isn't that I don't have rhythm I don't have any moves. Not even the funny ones. My mind doesn't work that fast or have the multitasking ability to keep up with the music, a partner, and my own creativity (not much of the creativity in me to start with). I do understand the draw of dancing. It is an action where you can express yourself in a physical way, draw attention to yourself, and wear yourself out all at the same time. On top of all of all of this... it is the closest thing to having public sex as you can get. At least as I see it.

I also understand because of the dancing there has to be loud music. I love loud music and don't mind it but when I am out with friends I like to talk with them, have an intelligent conversation and be able to hear them. For some groups I can understand this not being a big deal. Not speaking of the group tonight, but there are a lot of people not worth having conversations with. They can't hold a thoughts in there heads long enough to even conceive an original thought of their own. I crave these intelligent talks as they help me figure myself out and give me ideas. Being a thinker more than an action person I have to have this connections to keep me filled with new perspectives.

Please excuse any typos. I wasn't completely sober when writing this.


Saturday, April 4, 2009

To be alive??

The thrill of being alive. When you really think about it... knowing that we are alive is a miracle of biology. The search for how we came to be has driven us to grand creativity, made us question our beginnings, our faiths, and beliefs. It causes conflicts but it also brings people together in harmony. It can create and destroy. Do you think if we understood our origins it would make for a more peaceful existence? stopping there... not where I was wanting to go with this blog, but I went there for a bit, now on with my thoughts...

What do you think of when the question of your 'Life' is asked? I have spent the last several weeks thinking about this. I am still stumped as to what I think about myself. I know myself well enough to know that I will never settle on any answer to this. My thoughts will continue to evolve on this question and the answers I come up with will change who I am, hopefully for the better! This is the act of growing, of living. If this constant change didn't exist, would we truly be alive? The ability to change is a basic to existence... right?

These questions create other questions: Is it possible for someone remain the same for any extended period of time? We all have known people so well that we couldn't believe something they did. What they did or said was out of character. Is this the effect of these daily changes happening within each of us that we don't recognize right away? I know by looking at my life over a long expanse of time I see many changes. Some good some bad. I know by thinking about the process, these changes happened in small parts. Little things piling on top of other little things that cause big changes over these long term periods. You know, now that I think about it... The term is growth! I think we all underestimate our potential because in time we will not be the same person as we are today. We will grow to be more and our current plans will not include these unknown growths.

Take what happened today as an example of unseen growth: I made an argument with my MOM on a subject that is very very touchy within my family's religious beliefs. In years past I would have never done anything to argue about these beliefs. I never knew what would happen if I did. I guess I would say FEAR kept me in line. Today I made an observation from the perspective of a younger look at todays world. I gave my honest opinion and I think it took "some big cojones" to even attempt this. After, I was proud that I was able to make a case for my beliefs and not incite what I feared. I think this shows a level of maturity and thoughtfulness that I didn't even know I had.

We have all put our foot in our mouth at some point before. I do it all the time. I speak without putting real thought in to how others will take my ideas. I keep telling myself that raw thoughts don't always make sense to everyone and that everyone doesn't think like I do. I know this well yet it is still hard for me to break the habit. It isn't much different than trying to translate a foreign language the message isn't the same as it was originally. I can make endless analogies on this idea but we all have been misunderstood before and speaking before thinking is generally the cause. This is something that I will be working on in my future growth.

Defining life? First concept we MUST understand is each of us defines life differently. We have all heard the phrase "you should live life to isn't fullest". What many people don't take in to consideration is that each of us decides on our own what that means. I have received, on several occasions, criticisms on how I define my life. It is my life to define and following someone else's definition would make me less unique. I believe so many of us follow others so closely that we forget what it is to be an individual to be unique. Peer pressure is a bitch! But it also offers us opportunities to experience new things. Stuff we would have never thought of on our own or tried without the pressure. Evey force within life can be good and/or bad.

Everyday, from this point forward, when I wake up I am going to stop for a min and think about what it means to be alive for that day. I am going to think about what changed in me the day before. I am going to look at this new day as a chance to change for the better. But most importantly I am going to be alive!


Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Flashback of Home

Today I discovered something... Google Streets! I knew it existed, I have even used it on my phone to find places more easily. What I discovered today was that they have nearly completed an entire photographic sweep of my entire hometown area. For the first time in well over 5 years I saw where I grew up as it looks in late summer. I saw where I went to school and church. I saw all the places I had jobs. Friends houses I haven't seen or spoken to in more years than I care to count. Friends lost to time is one of my biggest regrets.

I can't believe the emotions and the longing these images stirred within me. It brought tears to my eyes thinking about those days. Every experience and environment that shaped how I grew up. I don't think I honestly believed I missed these places until the moment I saw them again. It is strange how some extremely simple things can completely engulf you. The feeling is hard to describe as all truly wonderful feeling should be.

I know have the hope of visiting my old home again at that time of year when the corn fields are just turning and the leaves on the trees as still full and green. When it is hot and humid, sticky and discussing all day, and the nights are still hot but moist and refreshing. A night when you can here the frogs crooking and all the sounds of the still night. When you are in that place at that right time it feels as if you are all alone in the world. There are only a two places in this world that I can remember giving me that feeling. My old home is one, the other is a place here in AZ that I can disappear when I need too.

I miss my home... I still call it my home even though I haven't lived there in 7 years and I have a home of my own here. Family is a big part of who I am as an individual and even with the long term long distance that have separated us they still remain a huge influence in my life. Just like my friends, I have lost a lot of family to time. Not the direct family members but the cousins and aunts and uncles that helped shape life as a Birchler. The number one thing I miss... is getting up at 4 am to go start making Birchler Turtle Soup. Yeah, I said Turtle!!! You can laugh all you want, but act of making and eating turtle soup is an experience you will never forget and I will never describe it further than that. This is a tradition in my family and not many have been part of everything involved.

Just like everyone else I have endless stories of the days growing up. Being from rural Indiana I have some truly unique stories. My very large family also provides endless information that can add depth to these stories that can astound and bewilder. And those that know me well know that I can talk for hours... these stories are no exception, one leads to ten more. This diverse background is what allows me to have the insight in to everything around me that I have. It is also part of my limitation to see beyond this background and change.

I could type in this blog window all day about all the things these simple pictures have brought back. I will spare you all from that. I am going to use todays experience as a reminder to think about the past. The past creates the base on witch your life is built and to grow on that base you must reflect and understand it. I forget this too often and seem to think of life as coming in the future and not what has existed in the past.

Don't ever forget the good or the bad times. We have to remember to learn from out collective life experiences not just the ones we see as relevant. Until the next flashback!!!


Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Game

I think game is an accurate description of the process of involvement between the opposite sexes, aka.. dating. This is also from the point of view myself and I have never really been in the game enough to know any better. So, take what I say with a pound of salt. This is also a theory that has become part of my thinking.

We are going to start with a break down on the game. In sports there are known strategies that work. These strategies start as simple plans they are tested in practice, then in live matches, then after years and years of them working are considered solid. They are updated by each new coach and players put their own talent in to them to make it successful. In dating, these strategies have to be developed by the individual and are unique to that person. No one really hands down the affective ones as if they are successful then that person my be out of the game forever! This poses two problems, one the numbers are against the individual and two, the individual is out numbered. This makes dating a huge strain on the ones involved. In sports, two teams or players face off with the same goal... to win. This is head to head and everyone knows the goals. In dating, the individual is pitted against all other in his/her sex vying for the attention of the other sex. This creates a huge playing field and can cause some to loose the drive to play at all... I have to quote a blog I read once. The numbers are very general and are guesstimations but you will get the picture it is painting. (If you read this... sorry for steeling your work.. it fit in to my idea for this blog.)

Small part of the blog that gets the picture across:
300 million people in the US.
Age range of 25-53? Probably about 26%: 78 million
About 53% of the population is Women: 41 million
Those unmarried, about 48%: 20 million (we’re fudging it a little now)
Taking 7% for the Lesbian population (again, fudging): 18,860,000
Taking off 40% for smokers (statistic is higher, but hey, it’s in good fun): 11,316,240
We’ll say 1/3 of the people work out 3 or more times per week: 3,771,703
College Education? (about 26%): 980, 643
Unmarried yet in a relationship, or not looking (about 48%): 490,321
Taking away teetotalers (about 5%): 392,257
Population of AZ: about 10 million
Percentage of total country in AZ that meet my standards: .13%
Total women in the state that actually meet my standards: 13075
Total women that meet my standards in AZ (approx 30%): 3923
Those that live in the Phoenix area (give or take 65% of them): 2550

That means there are about 2550 women in the totality of Phoenix and the surrounding areas for me to find.

Now, here’s a depressing statistic: 94 single women per 100 single men. ( That means we guys outnumber them. That means for the 2550 women, there are 2712 guys vying for their attention.

Disturbing pseudo-math!!! If that is really true then the average person, depending on their pickiness and basing it off of there being ~4000 possibles in AZ, only has a 1/2500 chance in meeting a compatible person. Now you also have to take in to consideration the other persons pickiness! That makes that ratio nearly impossible to calculate and endlessly depressing. It is a wonder we ever find anyone at all. It also explains a lot about bad relationships. Compromising is the next logical step to increase your ratio. But that makes people unhappy and makes for a bad time for all involved. This also leads to one sided relationships with only one person being happy. I have been in both of these examples and I really don't want to make those same mistakes again.

Here are a few of the simple observations I have made in regards to my own search. I think these numbers above are very generous. I think the ratios are even higher. Even if the girl I meet meets all my external requirements on my list, personality, maturity level, even believes, and morals can still conflict.

How can I avoid bad times? The only way to avoid then is to find someone that not only meets your specs but you meet their specs. This is the phrase "finding Mr. Right". The same works for the men with finding "Miss Right". Maybe we all really just settle for the "right now" people in our lives and we get lucky if it works out.

Why even try? It must be the drive of human nature that keeps us playing this little game. When real human thought it put in to the idea it makes no sense to work so hard at something. Maybe it is the thrill of the game, or the act of being in it that keeps us all coming back for more. I wish I knew.

I have never really thought of myself as ever really being fully in this game. I have really only had a hand full of relationships several were long. I was pulled out of the game before I learned it. So, in a sense I feel I am playing catchup with those already on my playing field. The thought of just jumping in scares me... allot. I would rather take it slow, learn the strategy and apply accordingly. But, my ratio isn't going to get any better and that wonderful someone that I hope is out there isn't going to sit around and wait. Honestly, I would rather wait, I am in no hurry. If taking my time reduces the bad experiences and promotes the good ones then the "one" is just going to have to wait. I think that in the mean time I will work on my strategy and other things that make me a better, happier person.


Friday, March 20, 2009


For those that don't know, my MINI is a 2006 Space Blue Metallic MINI Cooper S. It was built in Oxford, England in January 2006. It is powered by a supper charged 1.6L 4 cylinder engine. Just like all other MINIs, my MINI is unique. No two MINIs are the same. They all portray different personalities, they compliment their owners. In many cases their owners are not the same without having their MINIs with them. I believe I am one of these people.

When I am behind the wheel of my MINI, I feel like someone else. My MINI takes me places, like work and home, but those journeys are more then just getting from place to place. They are my therapy, my escape from reality. I become part of my MINI and it part of me. The feeling is like nothing I know how to describe. It is a rush to merely drive to work in the mornings, and twisty roads are like crack! I spend many hours on many days making sure my MINI runs and looks great all the time. It is a matter of respect to give back to the MINI that gives me so much. I know some people can't understand this relationship with my MINI, it isn't common to have a car that is more than a car to it's pilot. Many owners name their MINI, but not this time for me. I have never been able to find a name that describes and matches my current MINI. I have had two other MINIs and they both had names. This MINI has always been more than any name I could provide. Maybe I don't really want to name my MINI, because, it may diminish it as a memory. If one day a name surfaces that matches this wonderful machine it will then become that name and be remembered by that name forever. If this day never comes then my MINI will be remembered by the feelings it created within me and that seems like so much more than any name. So, for that reason, I don't think it needs a name. I think being known as my MINI works just fine!!

I don't look forward to the day my MINI has to leave me. It will be a sad day. But, at the same time, I will have a new MINI to create new experiences with and earn respect from. Just as my previous MINIs have done, this MINI will remain in my memory as one that gave me every joy of driving it could. I will miss this MINI and it will always be remembered.

Maybe my MINI life is weird to some of you, but it isn't something I ever want to loose. I would rather be looked at with strange faces then not feel the rush of a twisty road. It is part of me and without it I wouldn't be the same. Life would not have the level of happiness it has today, and the loss would be hard to bare.

Make sure you enjoy your drives through life! I know I will be!


Tuesday, March 17, 2009


What a great week this has been!!! RECAP: Monday was a very very long day, but it ended with a good dinner out. Tuesday was fun after I had a Guinness in hand, before that the whole day was TelCo and VOIP crap. Wednesday has been busy enough to make the day go fast... One of these days it will not be so up and down... I hope.

Good times are hard to find on a thinning budget like mine. Every time I think I can really be a little frivolous. Bam.. another unexpected bill. Damnit world I am just trying to retire before I am 65, is that too much to ask??? It hasn't been that bad lately. I think after 3 years of trying, I finally have most of my ducks in a row. I have taught myself to save money!!! Spending money is limited to set amounts and some of that includes Gas money, as the MINI is one of the greatest forms of entertainment I know of! Food costs are down, by eating more good for you foods. It is amazing how much just doing that effects how you feel. I still don't work out, and most of my day is spent in a chair in front of a computer screen. I am the guy that destroys cheap desk chairs fast! So I am starting to go beyond just getting by and really starting to make live great. Not that life wasn't great before... it was just so much more stressful... I think.. I have a hard time telling when I am stressed until it is way too late and I am in full blown panic attack. (knock on wood) Haven't had one of those in several months.

wooo... time flies... Got to get some work done this evening...


Monday, March 9, 2009

Been a while!!!

So I have been out of the blogging world for a while now. It is kinda sad. I liked blogging all my thoughts about everything that cam to mind. I know I could blam it on being to busy but that would just be a lie. I can make time for almost anything. My life isn’t that complicated. I know I am just lazy!!!

Putting effort in to things that don’t seem to have a reward in the end is hard to do. Blogging had huge rewards to my sanity for a long time. It was my way of venting the thoughts and ideas piling up in my head. Sometimes when you spend time thinking about hard stuff you just need to get it out somehow. I feel like for a while that I has learned to deal with the hard stuff better and don’t need to let it all out in to the world as much. But, I believe I was incorrect. There is always reasons to get your thoughts on paper, or out on the WWW in this case. The mind is a terrible thing to waste and in my case not blogging has made me think about things less. Not a good thing when you really should be figuring out what is happening in your life and learn to deal with your feelings. Like most men, I am not good at that.

So what is happening in my life. Work!!! That is what i have been focusing on the last several months, really to just avoid dealing with life itself. It is easy for me to substitute work for life as in the last year my life was turned upside down in every way possible. Trying to find out how you want your life to be viewed and what you want out of life is not an easy task most of the time. I am confused about what I want right now and even more confused about what is available to me. As i am not a very socially adapted person, I have to feel out each situation even force myself to be more open and social in some environments. My real problem these days, I fear, is that I don’t really have the social life to carry on a good conversation with many people I meet. Most of my life, work and personal, is spent working with technology in all forms. This helps me enormously in my work as I can deal with and adapt to almost anything that is thrown my way, but my personal life suffers from that being the only thing I have to discuss with people. Work isn’t something many people want to discuss when all they want is to have fun!!!! I guess my definition of fun may be a little skewed compared to the general idea of what it means to the world. I go to social events and i do have fun being at those events, but I don’t interact like i feel i should be able to at this point of my life.

As most of you know, how you can’t I have no idea, almost my entire social life is based on another hobby, MINIs. They take up every spare moment in my life that I don’t spend in the technology world that I have completely shrouded myself with over the years. MiNis are not much better then the technology in regards to conversation, it is a one way. It really boils down to my life doesn’t have the flair that I think it needs to have the social life I desire to have. As a teenager, I just thought social behavior was just learned over time and it would just be a natural thing. It isn’t that simple, it is a complex very very hard behavior to learn when it doesn’t come naturally.

I think my battle of the unknown has made me strong in dealing with my shortfalls as I see them. I still hope that someday, if I work at it, I will make it to a level of confidence in my social life that I have developed in my work life. Life isn’t easy, it is what it has to be to make it worth living.

Until next time!!!