Sunday, October 3, 2010


As I was writing my last blog, an idea popped in to my head; "This blog has reached the END". At first I didn't know what to make of this idea. How can there be an end to what I have started here? I started this blog because I needed a way to express my ideas. To work through all the endless, tormenting, and terrifying ideas that manifested in my mind. To sort out the reasons for laughter and the crying. It was only started a short few years ago when I was in the most desperate time I have ever faced in my life. I hope no one has to go through what I lived through. But I also LOVE that it happened to me. Without this wake up call... I would sill be the endlessly lost and endlessly stupid child I was before. I am still not fully grown but I believe I have learned enough to know that life isn't something you figure out overnight. Life is endless learning and life is about how you interact with the world around you and how you react to those interactions.

This isn't the end of this blog... but I see it differently now. I don't see this as a place where the past has any meaning any more. I have learned from it, I have grown from it. Let the past be the past. I have grown more because of this blog then any other single thing in my life. There are only a few people in my life today that even can tell the differences in me because of this. And I doubt they even read a word of this blog. I have one last feeling to express...

I feel truly alone. We all face it in our lives at some point. There was only a short time in my life where I truly remember not feeling some level of being alone. There have been sparks of possibility here and there but none of them have ever seemed to fill the void like I remember. Over the last years I have been learning how to be happy being alone. It is in this effort that I have found, I can't truly be happy alone. I was not meant to be by myself. I feel like there is more for me, like this isn't where I should be, and something is out there waiting. With this feeling guiding me, I start out on a new journey. A journey to find what is out there to fill this void. Being alone isn't enough for me anymore.

At the moment this post is made public it will be a new day... I will see you all then!


1 comment:

  1. You have friends who love and value you, Andrew. But I know what you mean about being alone. In the sense that nobody else can co-inhabit our skins and psyches, we will all always be alone. But luckily, when we find friends and lovers who share things that we like, we can have moments, even many moments, of NOT being alone. And that is precious. Learning to enjoy the moments of your life whether you are alone or not is a huge step into maturity. I've always liked you and I do see differences in you now. And I like this Andrew even better!